ENGL 4183/5183: Editing with Digital Technologies » October 17th: Stylistic Variations

October 17th: Stylistic Variations

Plan for the Day

Midterm Review

Even if six of you decided to skip again, we’re going over the midterm. Let’s do it now because waiting until the end of class might not be the best idea. Before that, though, we should review the Housing Paragraph Prose Revision.

I’ll pass back your midterms, but you ABSOLUTELY must return these to me. If you need to look at them again, come by my office.

Ch. 8: Other Stylistic Variations

Before we get too far ahead, I want to assure you that you won’t need to know all the Greek words for style. However, the following will be important for the final exam (and I hope your Rhetorical Analysis):

  • polysyndeton: adds the extra ands into a series
  • asyndeton: just uses commas as the conjunction for a series (drops ands)
  • repetition: repeating information for emphasis
  • redundancy: repeating information to uselessly fill up space
  • antithesis: juxtaposing opposite ideas
  • chiasmus: (not in the chapter or book) a mirror-like repetition of words for a pleasing sound.

As I’ve been saying all semester, we’re more concerned with style than correctness. Even grammatically correct sentences can be incorrect when in the wrong context:

  • When speaking to children…“The best thing to do when crossing the street–an action you will do many times coming to and departing from school–is to look both ways, searching for vehicles and bikes to avoid.
    {Don’t baby talk children when discussing something serious, but also don’t be a pompous fool. Speak/write in age-specific terms and structures.}
  • When e-mailing the dean…“Dear Sir/Madame, Please find the attached request for funding for student enrichment for the FY 2019 budget for your review.”
    {On second thought…a dean might like that language.}

This chapter has examples of stylistic choices that may violate other techniques you’ve learned. For instance, passive voice is used to help change the emphasis of a sentence; parallel structure is not always followed in some sentences completely; and fragments are used deliberately. I’ve bolded the three topics above to emphasize a point–knowing the available style choices will help you vary your prose style, which improves your writing.

A bit of caution: many of the choices discussed in this chapter aren’t the most appropriate for traditional technical writing contexts. A general rule that governs technical writing (as opposed to creative writing) is that technical writing limits interpretation. The best thing you can hope your audience does when receiving an unclear message from you is that they get a hold of you for clarification. Because tech writing is often anonymous writing from an organization, their getting a hold of you is highly unlucky. Always consider your audience’s expectations and the purpose(s) of your message.

A Note on Style

The goal of this chapter is “to encourage you to make the kinds of stylistic choices that will engage your readers” (p. 124). Kolln & Gray open by mentioning the following styles: 1) the plain style, 2) the pompous style, 3) the grand style, and 4) the official style. Technical writing aims for the plain style, but that style isn’t exclusively for technical writing. The plain style uses plain language without excess verbiage that obfuscates your intended meaning.

But isn’t plain language just that—plain? Well, yes. But being plain in the sense of clear and concise is a good thing. Don’t think of plain as dumbed down or unsophisticated. Writing in a plain style means you write in a reader-oriented way—you communicate your ideas effectively, so the reader doesn’t have to do all the work or guess at your meanings; language, after all, can be ambiguous. It is difficult to write efficiently and in a plain style. But that’s why we revise—to clean up our prose.

Remember, no one writes because they fetishize grammatically correct sentences; writers write to communicate; professional writers write to communicate in their careers. Regardless of the writing context, all writers must write and subsequently revise with the audience and communication purpose in mind.

In pairs, discuss the following issues:

  • What is jargon? When is it appropriate?
  • What on earth is efficient prose?
  • How do I elevate my writing in order to sound better?
  • When is it appropriate to lie? (obviously, this is a trick question in the context of technical/professional communication)
  • With all this cool technology, why can’t I just get a computer to do my writing?

Did you know there’s actually an organization called PLAIN: The Plain Language Association International? Check it out. The English Department’s very own Deborah Bosley (emeritus) is a member of the above group and was interviewed about language and policy making.

Also, check out what Maxine C. Hairston found regarding what businesses want from employees regarding communication skills. I question if grammar is the golden ticket, but we should follow the standards our audiences expect. Don’t disregard ethos. The Hairston link is for your further inquiry and not for an exam.

This call for efficiency is culturally based to some extent. Although we won’t talk enough about intercultural communication, I want to point out that the push for a plain style is Western-centric and adheres to our “system’s” desire for efficiency and increased productivity. Our concept of efficiency may be very different from another culture’s ideas about efficiency and effective communication.

Absolute Phrases

This is the least important information of the chapter. How about we agree that absolute phrases act an awful lot like sentence appositives. You will rarely (if ever) use them in standard technical communication, but I can see their value in reviews, descriptions, and advertisements. They do have a literary sound to them, which is probably why Kolln & Gray’s examples are mostly literary. Consider the following sentence from a review of the Red Hot Chili Peppers:

Californication, the RHCP’s 1999 album, showcases the band’s rap-funk-alternative style, their melodies trip over each other, their deliberate off-key chords play with expectations.

This could easily be re-written the following way, but what is lost (or gained or changed) in the revision:

The RHCP’s 1999 album Californication showcases the band’s rap-funk-alternative style with melodies tripping over each other and deliberate off-key chords playing with listeners’ expectations.

Time permitting, we’ll look at the Group Discussion on p. 127 and Exercise #29 on p. 128.

Polysyndeton-Asyndeton

Remember these two (pp. 128-129). Polysyndeton uses an extra and to emphasize each item in a series. Asyndeton uses commas instead of conjunctions to speed up prose and leave readers with the assumption the author could keep adding items to the series.

Repetition-Redundancy

We like repetition with variation. Repeating items and words can reinforce concepts for your audience. Repetition without any variation or stylistic attempt at emphasis is redundant. Redundancy is great for networks and safety measures. Not so good for communication. Consider the following:

  • I must forewarn you ahead of time before you meet my parents.
  • Redundancy happens when you unnecessarily repeat information that you don’t need to repeat.
  • Education trains minds to flourish; education lifts communities to prosper; education conditions humanity to advance.
    {This one also attempts to have the series follow the rules of climax.}

Remind me to put up my favorite example of chiasmus, a guarantee you won’t forget it. Bring your attention to the first example on p. 134: Before our engineers design our cars, our racing programs design our engineers. Chiasmus aims to create a pleasing sound, so it’s a bit too poet for professional prose and would seem out of place.

Antithesis

Although this is a well-known literary device, it comes up frequently in professional prose. You will most likely need to argue or advocate for a position in your future, perhaps supporting one plan over another. Juxtaposing ideas is a standard practice when comparing or contrasting. My favorite:

  • If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.

Consider the following antithesis in the context of you trying to draw your boss’s attention to investing in your idea:

  • If we fail to innovate creatively, we’ll succeed at failure spectacularly.

The Nelson Mandela paragraph on p. 134 is a good example from a politician. I’ve pulled out the contrasts invoked:

  • peasant–>doctor
  • worker–>boss
  • farmer–>president
  • have–>given

If you aren’t an orator, Mandela’s style isn’t something you should adopt, but it does highlight antithesis well.

The Deliberate Fragment

The fragment question. Most fragments are unintentional and happen when we poorly punctuate subordinate clauses or any clause that can’t stand alone as a sentence. The deliberate fragment is a conscious choice. A rule to break. In professional prose, you would most likely use a deliberate fragment at the beginning of a paragraph.

Let’s at least discuss the first two paragraphs in the “For Group Discussion” section on p. 135. What techniques deliberately make readers pause on important places in the texts?

Next Class

Please notice that we’re jumping ahead in Rhetorical Grammar to Ch. 13, which is on punctuation. Ch. 16 in Perfect English Grammar is also on punctuation. Ch. 9, 10, 11, & 12 in Rhetorical Grammar discuss higher-level prose topics such as as sentence rhythm, voice, and diction. Although those chapters are important for your Rhetorical Analysis, I don’t expect you to be exhaustive in that assignment. But I do expect you’ll focus on punctuation, so I wanted to put that before the upper-level rhetorical approaches to prose. Remember, that assignment is due in three weeks–Nov. 14.