Rhetoric & Technical Communication
Rhetoric & Technical Communication
Toscano, Aaron, Ph.D., Associate Professor, Dept. of English

Resources and Daily Activities

  • Dr. Toscano’s Homepage
  • ENGL 2116-083: Introduction to Technical Communication
    • ENGL 2116 sec. 083 Major Assignments (Summer 2020)
      • Final Portfolio Requirements
      • Oral Presentations
    • June 11th: Continue with I, Robot
    • June 15th: Ethics and Perspective Discussion
      • Ethical Dilemmas for Homework
      • Ethical Dilemmas to Ponder
      • Mapping Our Personal Ethics
    • June 16th: More on Ethics
    • June 1st: Effective Documents for Users
    • June 2nd: Final Project and Research Discussion
      • Epistemology and Other Fun Research Ideas
      • Making Résumés and Cover Letters Better
      • Research
    • June 3rd: Technology in a Social Context
    • June 8th: Information Design and Visuals
    • June 9th: Proposals, Marketing, and Rhetoric
    • May 18th: Introduction to the course
    • May 19th: Critical Technological Awareness
    • May 20th: Audience, Purpose, and General Introduction
    • May 21st: Résumé Stuff
      • Making Résumés and Cover Letters More Effective
      • Peter Profit’s Cover Letter
    • May 25th: More Resume Stuff
    • May 26th: Plain Language and Prose Revision
      • Euphemisms
      • Prose Practice for Next Class
      • Prose Revision Assignment
      • Revising Prose: Efficiency, Accuracy, and Good
      • Sentence Clarity
    • May 27th: More on Plain Language
    • May 28th: Review Prose Revision
  • ENGL 4182/5182: Information Design & Digital Publishing
    • August 21st: Introduction to the Course
      • Rhetorical Principles of Information Design
    • August 28th: Introduction to Information Design
      • Prejudice and Rhetoric
      • Robin Williams’s Principles of Design
    • Classmates Webpages (Fall 2017)
    • December 4th: Presentations
    • Major Assignments for ENGL 4182/5182 (Fall 2017)
    • November 13th: More on Color
      • Designing with Color
      • Important Images
    • November 20th: Extra-Textual Elements
    • November 27th: Presentation/Portfolio Workshop
    • November 6th: In Living Color
    • October 16th: Type Fever
      • Typography
    • October 23rd: More on Type
    • October 2nd: MIDTERM FUN!!!
    • October 30th: Working with Graphics
      • Beerknurd Calendar 2018
    • September 11th: Talking about Design without Using “Thingy”
      • Theory, theory, practice
    • September 18th: The Whole Document
    • September 25th: Page Design
  • ENGL 4183/5183: Editing with Digital Technologies
    • Efficiency in Writing Reviews
    • February 17th: Verb is the Word!
    • February 24th: Coordination and Subordination
      • A Practical Editing Situation
    • February 3rd: I’m in Love with the Shape of You(r Sentences)
    • January 20th: Introduction to the Course
    • January 27th: Rhetoric, Words, and Composing
    • Major Assignments for ENGL 4183/5183 (Spring 2021)
  • ENGL 4275: Rhetoric of Technology
    • April 13th: Authorities in Science and Technology
    • April 15th: Articles on Violence in Video Games
    • April 20th: Presentations
    • April 6th: Technology in the home
    • April 8th: Writing Discussion
    • Assignments for ENGL 4275
    • February 10th: Religion of Technology Part 3 of 3
    • February 12th: Is Love a Technology?
    • February 17th: Technology and Gender
    • February 19th: Technology and Expediency
    • February 24th: Semester Review
    • February 3rd: Religion of Technology Part 1 of 3
    • February 5th: Religion of Technology Part 2 of 3
    • January 13th: Technology and Meaning, a Humanist perspective
    • January 15th: Technology and Democracy
    • January 22nd: The Politics of Technology
    • January 27th: Discussion on Writing as Thinking
    • January 29th: Technology and Postmodernism
    • January 8th: Introduction to the Course
    • March 11th: Writing and Other Fun
    • March 16th: Neuromancer (1984) Day 1 of 2
    • March 18th: Neuromancer (1984) Day 2 of 2
    • March 23rd: Inception (2010)
    • March 25th: Writing and Reflecting Discussion
    • March 30th & April 1st: Count Zero
    • March 9th: William Gibson’s Neuromancer (1984)
  • ENGL 4750-090 & ENGL 5050-092 Video Games & Culture
    • Assignments for Video Games & Culture
    • August 25th: Introduction to the Course
    • November 10th: Aggression & Addiction
    • November 3rd: Moral Panics and Health Risks
    • October 13th: Narrative, ludology, f(r)iction
    • October 20th: Serious Games
    • October 27: Risky Business?
    • October 6th: Hyperreality
    • September 1st: History of Video Games
    • September 22nd: Video Game Aesthetics
    • September 29th: (sub)Cultures and Video Games
    • September 8th: Defining Video Games and Critical Theory Introduction
      • Marxism for Video Game Analysis
      • Postmodernism for Video Game Analysis
  • ENGL 6166: Rhetorical Theory
    • April 13th: Umberto Eco & Jean Baudrillard
    • April 20th: Moving Forward on Theory
    • April 27th: Last Day of Class
    • April 6th: Lyotard’s The Postmodern Condition
      • What is Postmodernism?
    • February 10th: St. Augustine, On Christian Doctrine [Rhetoric]
      • Oratory and Argument Analysis
    • February 17th: Knoblauch on Magical and Ontological Rhetoric
    • February 24th: Rene Descartes’ Discourse on Method
    • February 3rd: Aristotle’s On Rhetoric Books 2 and 3
      • Aristotle’s On Rhetoric, Book 2
      • Aristotle’s On Rhetoric, Book 3
    • January 13th: Introduction to Class
    • January 27th: Aristotle’s On Rhetoric Book 1
    • March 16th: Friedrich Nietzsche
    • March 23rd: Mythologies and Meaning of Meaning (part 2)
    • March 30th: Derrida’s (refusal to have) Positions
    • March 9th: Mary Wollstonecraft’s A Vindication of the Rights of Women
    • Rhetorical Theory Assignments
  • LBST 2212-124, 125, 126, & 127
    • August 21st: Introduction to Class
    • August 23rd: Humanistic Approach to Science Fiction
    • August 26th: Robots and Zombies
    • August 28th: Futurism, an Introduction
    • August 30th: R. A. Lafferty “Slow Tuesday Night” (1965)
    • December 2nd: Technological Augmentation
    • December 4th: Posthumanism
    • November 11th: Salt Fish Girl (Week 2)
    • November 13th: Salt Fish Girl (Week 2 con’t)
    • November 18th: The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (Part 1)
      • More Questions than Answers
    • November 1st: Games Reality Plays (part II)
    • November 20th: The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (Part 2)
    • November 6th: Salt Fish Girl (Week 1)
    • October 14th: More Autonomous Fun
    • October 16th: Autonomous Conclusion
    • October 21st: Sci Fi in the Domestic Sphere
    • October 23rd: Social Aphasia
    • October 25th: Dust in the Wind
    • October 28th: Gender Liminality and Roles
    • October 2nd: Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein
    • October 30th: Games Reality Plays (part I)
    • October 9th: Approaching Autonomous
      • Analyzing Prose in Autonomous
    • September 11th: The Time Machine
    • September 16th: The Alien Other
    • September 18th: Post-apocalyptic Worlds
    • September 20th: Dystopian Visions
    • September 23rd: World’s Beyond
    • September 25th: Gender Studies and Science Fiction
    • September 30th: Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein
    • September 4th: Science Fiction and Social Breakdown
      • More on Ellison
      • More on Forster
    • September 9th: The Time Machine
  • LBST 2213/HTAS 2100: Science, Technology, and Society
    • December 10th: Violence in Video Games
    • December 15th: Video Games and Violence, a more nuanced view
    • December 1st: COVID-19 facial covering rhetoric
    • December 3rd: COVID-19 Transmission and Pandemics
    • December 8th: 500-word Essay
    • November 10th: Planet of the Apes. (1964) Ch. 27-end
    • November 12th: Frankenstein (1818) Preface-Ch. 8
    • November 17th: Frankenstein (1818) Ch. 9-Ch. 16
    • November 19th: Frankenstein (1818) Ch. 17-Ch. 24
    • November 3rd: Planet of the Apes. (1964) Ch. 1-17
    • November 5th: Planet of the Apes (1964) Ch. 18-26
    • October 13th: Collins & Pinch’s The Golem at Large (Technology), Ch. 5 and 6
    • October 15th: Collins & Pinch’s The Golem at Large (Technology), Ch. 7 and Conclusion
    • October 1st: The Golem at Large Introduction & Ch. 1
    • October 22nd: The Time Machine
    • October 29th: H.G. Wells and Adaptations
    • October 6th: Collins & Pinch’s The Golem at Large (Technology) Ch. 2
    • October 8th: Collins & Pinch’s The Golem at Large (Technology), Ch. 3 & 4
    • September 10th: Science and Technology, a Humanistic Approach
    • September 15th: Collins & Pinch’s The Golem (Science), Ch. 2
    • September 17th: Collins & Pinch’s The Golem (Science), Ch. 3 and 4
    • September 22nd: Collins & Pinch Ch. 5 & 6
    • September 24th: Collins & Pinch Ch. 7 & Conclusion
    • September 29th: Test 1
    • September 8th: Introduction to Class
  • New Media: Gender, Culture, Technology (Spring 2021)
    • February 16: Misunderstanding the Internet
    • February 23rd: Our Public Sphere and the Media
    • February 2nd: Introduction to Cultural Studies
    • January 26th: Introduction to New Media
    • Major Assignments for New Media (Spring 2021)
  • Science Fiction in American Culture (Summer I–2020)
    • Assignments for Science Fiction in American Culture
    • Cultural Studies and Science Fiction Films
    • June 10th: Interstellar and Exploration themes
    • June 11th: Bicentennial Man
    • June 15th: I’m Only Human…Or am I?
    • June 16th: Wall-E and Environment
    • June 17th: Wall-E (2008) and Technology
    • June 18th: Interactivity in Video Games
    • June 1st: Firefly (2002) and Myth
    • June 2nd: “Johnny Mnemonic”
    • June 3rd: “New Rose Hotel”
    • June 4th: “Burning Chrome”
    • June 8th: Conformity and Monotony
    • June 9th: Cultural Constructions of Beauty
    • May 18th: Introduction to Class
    • May 19th: American Culture, an Introduction
    • May 20th: The Matrix
    • May 21st: Gender and Science Fiction
    • May 25th: Goals for I, Robot
    • May 26th: Isaac Asimov’s I, Robot
    • May 27th: Hackers and Slackers
    • May 30th: Inception
  • SEACS 2021 Presentation
  • Teaching Portfolio
  • Topics for Analysis
    • American Culture, an Introduction
    • Feminism, An Introduction
    • Frankenstein Part I
    • Frankenstein Part II
    • Futurism Introduction
    • Langdon Winner Summary: The Politics of Technology
    • Marxist Theory (cultural analysis)
    • Oral Presentations
    • Our Public Sphere
    • Postmodernism Introduction
    • Protesting Confederate Place
    • Punctuation Refresher
    • QT, the Existential Robot
    • Religion of Technology Discussion
    • Rhetoric, an Introduction
      • Analyzing the Culture of Technical Writer Ads
      • Rhetoric of Technology
      • Visual Culture
      • Visual Perception
      • Visual Perception, Culture, and Rhetoric
      • Visual Rhetoric
      • Visuals for Technical Communication
      • World War I Propaganda
    • The Great I, Robot Discussion
      • I, Robot Short Essay Topics
    • The Rhetoric of Video Games: A Cultural Perspective
      • Civilization, an Analysis
    • The Sopranos
    • Why Science Fiction?
    • Zombies and Consumption Satire

Contact Me

Office: Fretwell 280F
Phone: 704.687.0613
Email: atoscano@uncc.edu
ENGL 4183/5183: Editing with Digital Technologies » Efficiency in Writing Reviews

Efficiency in Writing Reviews

This page should be for a class lesson (assuming we have time to get to it), but it will also help you think about your own reviews. The paragraph below takes you through revising with certain stylistic choices from Kolln & Gray’s Rhetorical Grammar in mind.

The Music Review

As I’ve mentioned before, music used to come on albums, vinyl records. Later, music came on cassette tapes and, eventually, CDs, but we still called them albums (or even “records”). Below is an excerpt from a review on The Red Hot Chili Pepper’s album Californication. This isn’t the entire review. It starts with the section focused on the individual tracks.

Try to identify techniques that make the prose more efficient. Also, what other revisions could make this even more efficient? Below this excerpt are possible original sentences that demonstrate how to revise for a more efficient style. Also, notice how titles are formatted: album titles are italicized and song titles have quotation marks around them.


The album’s first song “Around the World” begins in the unique Chili Peppers way–distorted guitar pedals pull listeners in immediately. A slower tempo brings in lead singer Anthony Kiedis’s patented staccato rap style and melodious bellow, framing the song’s chorus: “I know I know for sure / That life is beautiful around the world.” The entire first song is a road map for the album. Kiedis’s lyrics focus on the Golden State, its geography painted in the music and its allure felt in every part of the world.

The second track “Parallel Universe” explains that California is a microcosm of the world: “I’m a California King / I swear it’s everywhere / It’s everything.” The song’s fast guitar riffs during the chorus contrast the somber tone of the rest of the verses. Kiedis’s languid voice, set perfectly to the track’s transitions, carries listeners deeper into the Western fairy land.

The third track “Scar Tissue,” first single released, delivers a poignant tune of the potential vices new arrivals encounter in California: the runaway “southern girl with a scarlet drawl,” falling victim to the dangers of drugs; the “young Kentucky girl in a push-up bra,” entering a life of prostitution; the “Sarcastic mister know-it-all,” self-aggrandizing with the false bravado of a dilettante. Each reminds us where the train ride to fame and fortune in California can derail.

Although the CD touches on bad parts of California, you won’t find a sermon preaching to avoid the state. It just is. No excuses. The title track “Californication” makes that abundantly clear. Kiedis sings about “dreams of silver screen quotations” and “pay[ing] your surgeon very well / to break the spell of aging.” Yes, California is a plastic world of stars, has-beens, never-beens. Regardless of the bad times, the world loves the creative entertainment capital: “It’s understood that Hollywood sells Californication.”

This song suggests that we’re all connected to the world: “Space is made of everything.” California may be a cesspool of vice, victims, and vanity, but we turn on the shows and watch the movies and indulge in the characters produced there. Besides, “Californication” tells us that we get our dreams and information from California and not from the source: “Space may be the final frontier / But it’s made in a Hollywood basement.”

Don’t expect a moral to jump out at you when you listen to the CD. On their adventure, a mixture of fun and loss, the Chili Peppers reflect and (perhaps) conclude that it’s an overall enjoyable, happy place. Sure, your heart strings will be tugged a little, but the album is a reflection of our world—good and bad. And it’s the album we’ve been waiting for since 1991, an album that doesn’t share the spotlight but takes it. The Chili Peppers are back from an eight-year hiatus with material from the only place where life never gets boring, California.


Indulge me and look at the original text of the paragraphs and think through the revisions. I’ll pull out at least one sentence per paragraph.

Paragraph #1

  • 2nd Sentence: The tempo slows down when lead singer Anthony Kiedis comes in with his patented staccato rap style, and then he switches to a melodious bellow for the song’s chorus: “I know I know for sure / That life is beautiful around the world.”
    • Revision: A slower tempo brings in lead singer Anthony Kiedis’s patented staccato rap style and melodious bellow, framing the song’s chorus: “I know I know for sure / That life is beautiful around the world.”
    • Reason: What’s the effect of adding the participial phrase? Identify what (and) where that phrase is.
  • 4th Sentence: Also, the lyrics cue us to Kiedis’s main focus: there’s a little bit of California in every part of the world.
    • Revision: Kiedis’s lyrics focus on the Golden State, its geography painted in the music and its allure felt in every part of the world.
    • Reason: What information has been added to vary the language? Can you identify the absolute phrase?
    • It would also be ok to punctuate the sentence the following way to accentuate the participial phrases (new commas highlighted):
      Kiedis’s lyrics focus on the Golden State, its geography, painted in the music, and its allure, felt in every part of the world.
    • Normally, I’d advise you not to use those commas, but please notice the rhetorical effect of accentuating the phrases:
      • “…painted in the music…”
      • “…felt in every part of the world…”

Paragraph #2

  • 3rd Sentence: Kiedis’s languid voice changes perfectly to the transitions throughout the song as well as the album.
    • Revision: Kiedis’s languid voice, set perfectly to the track’s transitions, carries listeners deeper into the Western fairy land.
    • Reason: Look up participial phrases on p. 97 of Kolln & Gray. Can we move the participial phrase in this sentence?

Paragraph #3

  • 1st Sentence: The third track, “Scar Tissue,” is the first single from the album. It’s a poignant tune of the potential vices the newly arrived encounter in California: the runaway “southern girl with a scarlet drawl” who falls victim to the dangers of drugs, the “young Kentucky girl in a push-up bra” entering a life of prostitution, and the self-aggrandizing “Sarcastic mister know-it-all”.
    • Revision: The third track “Scar Tissue,” first single released, delivers a poignant tune of the potential vices new arrivals encounter in California: the runaway “southern girl with a scarlet drawl,” falling victim to the dangers of drugs; the “young Kentucky girl in a push-up bra,” entering a life of prostitution; the “Sarcastic mister know-it-all”, self-aggrandizing with the false bravado of a dilettante.
    • Reason: Parallelism? Does it work?

Paragraph #4

  • 1st Sentence: Although the CD touches on bad parts of California, it doesn’t make excuses for the vices or preach sermons for us to avoid the state.
    • Revision: Although the CD touches on bad parts of California, you won’t find a sermon preaching to avoid the state. It just is. No excuses.
    • Reason: What’s the effect of the added two sentences?

Paragraph #5

  • 2nd Sentence: California may be a cesspool of vice, victims, and vanity, but we turn on the shows and watch the movies produced there.
    • Revision: California may be a cesspool of vice, victims, and vanity, but we turn on the shows and watch the movies and indulge in the characters produced there.
    • Reason: Subtle change through polysyndeton, which “puts emphasis on each element of a series with a fairly equal beat (Kolln & Gray, p. 128). Notice how the sentence is purposely lengthened to make the reader realize they tune in, watch, and indulge:
      • “…turn on the shows and watch the movies and indulge in the characters produced there.”
    • The above series slightly violates parallelism. Notice that the verbs in the series aren’t of the same structure. The first and third are verbs with particles (on and in) and the second has no particle:
      • turn on
      • watch
      • indulge in

Paragraph #6

  • 2nd Sentence: After all, the Chili Peppers have fun in California, and the album reflects that through its overall enjoyable, happy tone.
    • Revision: On their adventure, a mixture of fun and loss, the Chili Peppers reflect and (perhaps) conclude that it’s an overall enjoyable, happy place.
    • On their adventure, a mixture of fun and loss, the Chili Peppers reflect and (perhaps) conclude that it’s an overall enjoyable, happy place.
    • Reason: The appositive “a mixture of fun and loss” is probably unnecessary, but it’s a repetition of the songs moral on life–there are good times and bad times.
  • 3rd Sentence: Furthermore, since 1991, we’ve been waiting for this album, and it doesn’t share the spotlight but takes it.
    • Revision: And it’s the album we’ve been waiting for since 1991, an album that doesn’t share the spotlight but takes it.
    • Reason: Another subtle change. How might punctuation and word placement affect emphasis in the sentence?

Don’t let the excerpted review above scare you. For class purposes, I went out of my way to try to use strategies from Kolln & Gray. I wouldn’t write this way normally and don’t feel I have to change ALL my sentences. I just like having options, and I want you to have them as well.

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